Monday, August 15, 2005

Wherupon Jason Imagines What He Might Say If He Were Drunk



You wanna know what? Y'all cry too damn much, dammit.

Bunch of whiny babies in diapers.

Listen. At least you have parents. Bo'f of 'em. You got a place to live. And a family. A whole bunch of families.

Your daddies an' your mamas don't cuss you out. They may be anngray wis' yu, but they ain't gunna do nofin'. Shiite Muslims all ove the werld an' yu wurried bout some stupid people in the church say about you?

Whaaaa whaaa! Evrybody is looking up to me! Everybody is expecting me to be good! Boo-f'in'-hoo!

You poor babies! Shut the f-up!

Oh no, you have people at your house for dinner. Oh no, you have to eat at theirs for dinner. Oh no, you have to act civilized for two whole hours a week. Oh no, you have to act decent at school 'cuz everybody knows you're the preacher's kid.

And your mom and your daddy are niss to people even when they can't stand zem.



Blogger Revolt said...


Now I have to fuse the self-proclaimed 'whiny, teenage boy voice' into a scruffy, irritated drunk man voice...

*thinks it up*

HAHAHAHAHAAA! That's even funnier!

You'se a silly man, J. And it's funny how drunk's always manage to tell the most spine tingling truths...yet Solomon (and Moshe aka Moses) swear up and down that we should avoid 'fermented grapes and strong drink'...I mean it DOES promote honesty, right? *shrugs*

10:30 PM  
Blogger jasdye said...

and stupidity. which is why it's so popular.

of course, i'm scared of the stuff, so i prefer other versions of stupidity-seeking: late-night tv, late-night blogging, text-messaging, being intellectually and physically lazy.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Puddleglum said...

I'm slooooooooooooooooow.

It took me a while to make the connection. But once I did, it was classsssic. I guess for every good song there's a diss track.

I love trashing the english language...there's a thesis paper in there somewhere, that proper spelling isn't all it's cracked up to be, that misspelling still gits de jawb dun!

Too bad I'm not a grad student, or a...thesis writer.

7:18 PM  
Blogger jasdye said...

and all this time i just thought you was angry with me. awwwww...

6:34 AM  

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